Ramblings of a wondering soul

This past weekend actually marked the one year anniversary from one of the most pivotal moments of my life. I've learned more about myself and others in the past year than I ever thought I wanted or needed to know. Most people would probably assume my experience on the Appalachian Trail would fall into this category, and it does to some extent, but the physical and emotional challenges I met on the trail were miniscule in comparison, truly an insain concept.

I go through life with energy and passion but what many may not realize it that I am also fairly lazy when it comes to reflecting upon my relationships with others. I experience life as it comes and participate as I can. It is not that I dont care if I piss someone off, I do, but I dont take the time to appreciate those whom I care about. I have an independant facade that fools just about everyone. I don't share much of myself with others, I never used to have much to share. Now it is a different story but what I have learned is to shrink even further into my cocoon. Now I have a reason not to trust.

I've learned that first impressions make a difference and never trust what you see. My feet have learned to run; I run far and cycle fast, it clears my mind. My hands have learned to play guitar; I have to make my own music now, I dont have anyone to play for but myself. My heart has learned to hurt in places I never imagined possible, and the meaning of love. My mind has learned not to fall in love again, there's no place to go but down. I've learned not let down my guard, ever.

Inever before understood why friends would get so caught up in relationships and break ups. Thru high school it all seemed so superficial (exept for two and they are happily married as if from a story book). In college there were all kinds. I found myself in my first real relationship. In short, I fell in love. But we were still kids so I didnt really pay attention to what was going on. It was fun and exciting, daring and sensual but still didnt make sense. I grew up, got dull, and forgot I was in love. To fathom what my life was like 5 years before that pivotal moment meant nothing to me.

laughing @ ur neighbors

Within 15 hours I went through 2 1/2 cars. pajero #1 doesn't start, the starter broke earlier in the week, but the fun part is the clutch went too. Im talking like pumping 5-6 times hardly helped. So that was exciting because it began while I was out on the peninsula at 2 saturday night. John and I were moving speakers......we shattered the back window, oops. So, I was amaizingly able to make it all the way back to the house way up on the mountain and then stalled the very last time I had to shift to back up in the yard. So it seems logical to use pajero #2 to pull pajero #1 back up the slope so it can roll back out to start again. It wont start either.... and it wont give me the key back so I am forced to leave it sitting there in aux so the battery was then totally drained by morning. Fabulous. Now sunday comes around and Im stranded on the mountain with 6 dogs and the "Dude" Im house sitting for flys in at 3. john finally comes to the rescue at 2pm. So i pick up my samurai, it thankfully starts, great. I pick up "Dude" at the aport. he is of course expecting his truck to be there but instead I have to explain why he has no cars, and a busted window. He left the island with 2 working pajeros and returns to 0 and some broken glass, but the dog is fabulous which is the important thing. I drive all the way up the mountain and my car is now blowing blue smoke and very not happy. i have no choice but to toss the last of the dogs and my stuff in the back and we limp back down the mountain to find out my radiator cracked and I just drove up a mountain with NO coolant. At this point I am thrilled, I was moments away from destroying my engine for all I knew. Finishing up dropping all the dogs back at their respective houses, Im at john's telling him my tale of wo and one of his dogs pisses on my foot. At this point I very much need a drink and it's the night before school starts..... a school night. What did I do? Ziggy's. Definitly.

my roommates have (now unhappy) "dude" in class and he wasted no time in telling the entire class about his rediculous situation. they could hardly restrain themselves knowing exactly who managed to do all of this in not more than 15 hours. yes, the assistant dean wants my head on a platter. the interresting part is that the window is the only thing I actually broke. Everything else was an unfortunate series of events and the window was the icing on the cake.

my brother's first question was: seriously?
his second was: so do you still go to school there?

in the end I was amused so I thought Id share =-)